When Can I Start Dating?

This is crazy. Chloe asked me, for the second time in the span of a week, when she’d be able to start dating. What the f**k? It’s not that she’s in any particular rush, thank God, but what the f**k? She is seven years old.

I told her that she’d first have to live another seven years, the equivalent of the life she’s lived so far, before we’d even start to have that conversation. If I had my druthers, she’d have to live another 14 years before we even go there. But that’s not realistic. Get thee to a nunnery! Fast!

I heard on the radio today that 1/4 of all American teenage girls have STDs. That 1/2of all American girls are sexually active, and of those 40% have STDs. That’s terrifying. And sickening.

What kind of world have we brought our girls into? I have to look into chastity belts. Do they still exist? Will I need to have the “talk” with our girls when they turn 10? What the f**k!

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