The Birds and the Friggin’ Bees

I really thought we’d have at least a couple of more years before this talk. Let’s just say that tonight’s conversation, if you can call it that, did not go quite as I would have imagined.

Chloe confessed that back in June her friend explained that you make a baby when the man’s penis and the woman’s vagina touch. Chloe used her pointer to represent the penis and formed an ‘O’ with her other pointer finger to represent the vagina. She accompanied her explanation with lots of giggles and even some Elvis-like hip-thrusting motions. We confirmed that she had the general parameters right, but didn’t go into any more detail.
She then asked why she had not seen our (meaning my husband’s and my) private parts touch! I couldn’t ignore that – I think the look of shock on my face caused her to laugh even harder. So I simply said that it was a private matter. She laughed some more – one of those evil, hysterical 8-year old laughs that make parents cringe.
If that weren’t enough, she also confessed that she told a couple of kids about her newfound knowledge on the bus today. Of course, I didn’t handle the whole thing too well. After I suppressed my own giggles, I told her that she should refrain from sharing her biology lesson with any kids at this point – because (1) most kids her age probably won’t believe her (the two kids on the bus didn’t believe her) and (2) the kids she tells might go back and tell their parents, who might not be so happy that one of their sweet and innocent child’s classmates was giving them a sex ed lesson.
I’m telling you, third grade is going to be a hoot. How many more days left until June?

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