My girls blame me for everything. Is that normal? Three days before Mother’s Day, no less? Here’s a representative sampling of the shit I get blamed for:
(1) Sophie doesn’t do her homework after school because she likes to do it with me (I should be flattered, but I’m not). The real reason she doesn’t do her homework is because she’s one of the worst 6-year old procrastinators I’ve ever seen. She definitely takes after her papa on that score. I returned home late from work this evening. I was tired. At 7:00 she still hadn’t started her homework. And it was my fault.
(2) Chloe is starting to compete with her sister in the fashionista category. She’s always looking online for new clothes. She was annoyed because a pair of shorts she was eyeing is no longer available in her size. My fault because I told her to wait to order them because I had ordered a different pair for her. Which didn’t fit.
(3) It’s always my fault when Sophie’s stuffed animals temporarily disappear from her bed. The only way she forgives me is when I put on my “Finder Mommy” hat and succeed in hunting down her pets.
(4) It’s always my fault when I don’t pack the girls what they want for lunch. Now if they bothered to tell me what they want for lunch and I forgot, that would indeed be my fault. But when I fail to read their minds…
(5) It’s always my fault when I neglect to remind Chloe to do something. She’s 11 years old. She has a cell phone, for crying out loud. If she forgets something, it’s her own damn fault.
They better have an amazing Mother’s Day present planned for me. It’s time for them to suck up to their Mommy.