Hi, My Name is Truffle and This is My Story

New scents! New sounds!  It’s overwhelming.  I guess I’m not in Kansas anymore (actually, I was never in Kansas. Does Toto still live there?)  I was so excited this morning when my new human family came to pick me up in Pennsylvania.  I didn’t know what to expect.  Many of my brothers and sisters had already left for their new homes.  I stood by the door, eagerly waiting and waiting and waiting.  Which is not an easy thing for an eight-week old puppy to do.

But when I saw that little girl – Sophie she’s called – come up to the front door…man oh man.  What a cutie. For a few minutes I mistook her for a dog on two legs.  Her hair is curly just like mine and I couldn’t keep my mouth off of it.  I wanted to yell, “Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair closer to me!”


And then her sister, Chloe, entered the house.  And she’s cute, too.  But a lot bigger.  And a little aloof.  She steadfastly refused to squeal at my super cuteness, lest she appear totally uncool.


My new human dad doesn’t quite know what to make of me.  He held me a couple of times, but boy, was it awkward.  I wanted to tell him to take a deep breath, but I didn’t think he’d appreciate the constructive criticism.  I’m going to need to work hard to win him over. I also met my new human grammy.  She’s fun. I think she’s going to spoil me rotten.

My new human mom has already taken charge and has wasted no time starting to train me.  She’s obviously done her research, but she needs to mellow out.  I can’t read, so I don’t know what those books say.  I just follow my gut. She should follow her gut, too. Have some faith, lady. I won’t disappoint you.

Some more observations about my new human family:

(1) My first human mom was kind of crunchy granola and treated all of us puppies like the wolves we are.  Live and let live kind of thing.  My new human mom is a bit of a stress monster.  She treats me like a stuffed animal.  I really like her and all, but she’s just got to calm down.  I’m a dog, for crying out loud. Not a rare endangered species.

(2) My new human sisters are also very nice to me.  Not so much to each other, though.  I sat between the two of them on the car ride home and let me tell you, they fight more than my siblings and I ever did.  They just wouldn’t shut the hell up.  It’s a good thing I have floppy ears to drown out some of their bickering.

(3) My new human mom made me this space outside she calls a ‘crapper’ (her human vocabulary is a bit vulgar which, if I’m being honest, is kind of hot).  At first I thought it was a bed because lying on those rocks is just so comfortable.

(4) Apparently, my new code phrase when it’s time to go to said crapper is “potty time.” To prove that I’m not a complete idiot, I pooped on those cozy rocks once today.  I think the humans were amazed I’d caught on so quickly.

(5) When my new human mom came home from the store a little while ago, I greeted her at the door like the obedient puppy that I am.  The rest of the family was watching a really loud and annoying TV show.  I had to pee badly.  So I whined to let my new human mom know, but she was a little slow to catch on. I couldn’t hold it anymore and tinkled on their floor.  My new human mom witnessed my accident (I have no shame), gently grabbed me and took me outside to the crapper, but the moment had passed. Instead, I pretended the rocks were my mattress.

(6) I have learned the hard way that my new human mom’s nose is not a chew toy.  So my favorite new chew toy is this thing they call a leash that tethers me to a person.  I’m not sure how I feel about this form of subjugation.  Do they seriously think I’m going to run back to Pennsylvania?  I don’t understand why my new human mom keeps pulling this leash thing out of my mouth.  It tastes so damn good.

(7) New human mom tried to use subterfuge to get me into my new crate. I fell for it but when I realized what had happened, I started to bark and whine. After a couple of minutes, she set me free. Doesn’t she understand that I only use the crate during the night? If she thinks I’m going to use that thing between sunrise and sunset, she’s got another thing coming.

All in all, I think I impressed my new family today.  Other than the minor pee incident, which was out of my control, I really was on my best behavior.  I think it’s going to be fun here, as long as they take some chill pills.

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