I’m Super Truffle. Hear Me Roar.

I’m sure all of you have missed me very much since my last communiqué, wondering whether I’m still with the crazy human family.  Well, here I am, healthy and happy and just over 12 weeks old.  In fact, I will heretofore be known as Super Truffle. I am a canine superhero in my own mind.  Kind of like Underdog (remember him?), but even better.

While I haven’t yet had an opportunity to prove my true superhero bona fides by rescuing another animal or anyone in my human family, I know I am a superhero based on the following developments.


(1) I have had only one accident in the house in five days.  Impressive, I know.  Holding it in for hours at a time is especially trying when there are so many different kinds of floor coverings to choose from.  But hold it in I have.  I have now come to appreciate that my bladder is my secret weapon.  Only to be emptied indoors in case of severe emergencies or when trying to use psychological warfare to defeat a human being.

(2) I have this friend named Tony.  Despite his name, he is not a person, he’s a dog.  Some kind of terrier, I think.  He terrified me when I first met him because even though he’s small and I will eventually tower over him, he’s fast like lightning.  In fact, he’s so fast I may ask him to join my superhero posse.  His speed could come in handy someday.  Like when we’re trying to hunt some squirrel meat.  But I digress.  Tony used to intimidate me.  But not anymore.  Because I’m now almost as big as he is.  And I’m fluffier.  And I figured out how to show him who’s boss (that’d be me, by the way).  I pin him down like Hulk Hogan and lie on top of him.  Now, instead of running towards me, he runs away from me.  If that doesn’t merit superhero status, I don’t know what does.


(3) I have realized that I can put my sharp puppy teeth to good use on things other than human skin and sweaters.  I’ve torn apart several of my toys, the covering on my bed, branches in the backyard, paper and cardboard.  Velcro, too.  In fact, I’ve found so many interesting things to chew on that I now only resort to human skin and sweaters when there’s nothing else around.  I hope my human family doesn’t feel offended by this, but to allay their concerns, I bite their clothing at least once a day.

(4) Laura the trainer still visits me even though my affections now lie with her dog Anna.  I think I may actually see Anna again this week.  The thought of that beautiful beast makes me burn with desire.  Thanks to Laura’s diligent instruction, I have almost mastered the “drop” and “leave it” commands.  The “leave it” command freaks me out a little.  When my human mom practices it with me, I usually stay as far away as I can from the tempting cookie bait on the ground by hiding under the kitchen counter.  I’m afraid that I will disintegrate into fairy dust if I try to eat it.  Really.  I tremble just thinking about that damn cookie.

(5) I taught myself how to trot down the deck stairs after coming to the realization that having to be carried was not becoming of a superhero.  I may not be able to fly, but at least I can now get to the backyard on my own four paws.

(6) The crate doesn’t suck as much as it used to.  Don’t misunderstand me – I will never voluntarily go into it during the day.  But if the humans put me there, I don’t cry about it as much.  Mostly because superheroes don’t cry.  They’re too busy saving everyone to cry.  If I’m going to be a successful superhero, I have to rein in my whining.

(7) I despised Halloween.  There were lots of fake superheroes ringing our doorbell.  I can’t stand posers. And the house was overrun with Sophie’s and Chloe’s friends in weird costumes.  Chloe’s costume took the cake.  I couldn’t tell if she was on her deathbed with measles, a perverted clown or some esoteric comic strip character.  Sophie had a pitchfork made of sticks that I couldn’t resist.  Keeping that thing within my reach was cruel, I tell you.  The entire evening traumatized me and when it was over, for once I was actually happy to go into my crate.

(8) Even if it weren’t for all of the fantastic accomplishments I’ve just described, I knew I had already achieved superhero status when my human mom turned on the radio the other day. Believe it or not, Katy Perry wrote a hit song for me.  That’s right, me. Truffle the Superhero.  It’s called “Roar.”  Eat your hearts out, friends.  Eat your hearts out.

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