Hello, my friends. Tomorrow is a momentous day for me. I will be six months old. My human family tells me it’s not a real birthday. Whatever. They’re such Debbie Downers. I beg to disagree with them (and believe me, I’m good at begging). My human sister Chloe officially celebrated joining the Teenageddon army the other day, and now I am a terrible teen, too.
Life as a teenager isn’t so bad. The humans I encounter on the street still think I’m super cute. They covet my silky coat. I do my best to live up to my reputation for adorableness. It’s hard sometimes, though. You know, always being “on.” There are days when I just want to be a regular dog.
What’s new in my world, you ask, now that I’m a teen angel (or devil, depending on your perspective)? Read on to find out, my loyal fans.
My family has celebrated my adolescence by allowing me a smidgeon of freedom in the house. I now get to play hide and seek in the living room on a daily basis. I also hang out with the humans on the couch from time to time. They still don’t trust me enough to leave me alone to roam free, but if I’m being honest, I can’t really blame them.
Confessions of a Resource Guarder
Being a soldier in the Teenageddon army is a little scary. I think it’s the hormones. Sometimes I don’t recognize myself. I turn into my imaginary evil twin every now and again, and get too possessive of my stuff. Kind of like how my favorite Sophie is possessive of her favorite towels. Mind you, I don’t turn into a demon with all of my things, just the really good things like bones. And forbidden fruit like gloves, socks, butter or the treat bag. Human mom thought she’d nipped the resource guarding in the bud a couple of months ago, but she messed up and didn’t practice with me consistently enough. Sucker.
I may be Super Truffle, but I’m also just a dog. Human mom can’t reasonably expect me to remember not to growl and lunge at her if she doesn’t remind me on a daily basis that I’m not allowed to do it, right? I overheard her talking to Laura the trainer the other day about the resurgence of my Issue (yes, the uppercase is intentional to emphasize the gravity of the situation) and she’s going to come to “evaluate” me next week. This makes me nervous because Laura was my first love and I don’t want to disappoint her. And truth be told she also scares me, just a little bit.
Still a Humpy Puppy
I’m still a humpy puppy, but the good news is I’ve pretty much mastered the command “No hump!” because human mom has to use it on me at least a couple of times a day. My friend Tony remains a very indulgent and graciously permits me to hump him every time we have a play date.
Learning to Be Zen
Human mom and my favorite Sophie have started to work with me on greeting people when they come to the door. I have to confess that I think I’ll be a senior citizen by the time I master this feat. It’s pure torture to have to remain at my “place” and calm when we have visitors. I’m really good at staying put when human mom or Sophie pretends to be the visitor, but that’s easy. I’m not an idiot. I see them both everyday – they’re just not that exciting. I can control myself for them. But when it’s other folks, all bets are off. Human mom has a lot of work ahead of her. I’m not sure she realizes what she’s dealing with.
Snow Is Wonderful
I still love the snow. I eat it, I bury my head in it, I prance on it. And the best part about the snow is that when it blankets everything, I can pretty much pee and poop anywhere I want. Awesome.
Another thing I’m pretty proud of is that I can jump really high. I should be in the Olympics. I can clear the kitchen gate now that I’m a strapping teen. I don’t do it unless I’m really desperate but sometimes the urge is simply too overpowering. Especially when there’s someone at the door (I told you my human mom has a lot of work ahead of her).
I’m still growing like a weed. My official 6-month old weight is 29.5 pounds. And I’m taller, too. You know what that means? I can go surfing. Not the ocean kind. The counter kind. That’s how I get into most of my messes. But it’s so much fun to see the world while standing on two paws. Everything is so much closer and so much more tempting. The other day human mom was cooking something yummy on the stove and there was a beautiful blue light emanating from it. It was irresistible. I tried to lick it. As my tongue approached the hypnotizing brightness, I heard my human mom exclaim – in a voice between normal and screaming – “Truffle, off!” Followed by “Dumb Ass!” once I had four paws on the ground. How was I supposed to know the blue light was a hot flame? Jeez Louise.
Apparently, one can’t truly be a successful teenager unless one rebels against the established order. Well, I may have trouble mastering certain dog skills, but rebellion isn’t one of them. Until recently, I’d always been a star pupil, at least most of the time. Lately, however, I find a certain degree of satisfaction in pretending like I don’t understand a word my human family says. Sit, down, stay, come, drop it, leave it…who can be bothered with such trivial nonsense? It’s fun to jerk the humans around from time to time. To see human mom get flustered and feel like she’s failed me in some way. I suppose the perverse enjoyment I derive from watching her squirm makes me a sadist. So be it. I accept who I am.
All in all, my life has been pretty damn amazing so far. My family loves me, 99% of the time. And I love them, 99% of the time. We’re pretty compatible despite all their human baggage. They better give me a present tomorrow, though. Otherwise, all bets are off.