I was lying in bed with Sophie the other night, reading “Ladybug Girl and Bumblebee Boy” and “Armadillo Rodeo.” After we had finished the stories, we cuddled and I took her hand in mine. And I studied her little palm and her little fingers, and they are perfect. I then caressed her cheek. So soft and smooth and amazing. And I look at Chloe, who is getting taller and more beautiful by the day. And smarter and smarter.
Sophie is my playful clown. Chloe is my serious thinker. And I love them. And I want to spend more time with them. And I don’t quite know how to accomplish that. I certainly spend a lot of time thinking about it – at 3 AM when I’m unable to sleep – but haven’t yet come up with a solution. I’ll get there eventually, I know I will. But I’m starting to lose patience with myself.
I just need that one bright idea. The lightbulb flashing in my brain. The 3 AM epiphany that will lead me to mommy nirvana. Or at least what I think mommy nirvana would look like if I could create it. Soon enough.